Am I Living it Right? (is the wrong question)

Thank you for these thoughts! I am a "do it right" sort of person and I like lists that tell me I'm "doing it right". But I have parents who know that there are many ways to "do it right" and they often made choices that went again the norm. I'm so thankful for that... it has given me such a helpful framework for thinking through my choices, for seeing that what everyone else is doing is not the only good or godly option. It is lovely to see you giving your children that framework!

On a side note, where did you get that "Be Free" print? I would love to order one...

YEAH TO FREEDOM!!!

Loosely paraphrasing an author I am reading: It is not so much about the choices we make but about the motivations behind them; are we choosing from a place of faith or fear? When we fall into the comparison trap I'd say we're choosing from a place of fear.

Totally agree that life is a journey and we are meant to experience joy in it - in the lovely, beautiful moments - and in the pain or struggle-filled moments.

I am always deciding to comment less online and then I read YOUR POSTS and can't help myself;)

This is really beautiful. You may not have intended to do so, but your post even brought comfort to my soul as I begin the journey in a completely different direction. After 14 years of homeschooling, our kids start public school in January so I can go to nursing school.

I'm having to remind myself that freedom to make this choice is ours - it's a gift - and to rest in it.

Thanks for your post.

Heather

I really needed to read this right now Renee. Sometimes I think I get too caught up in thinking Mike and I need to have the typical Christian man head of household/make decisions/lead thing, when he is not that person and I am. We need to be happy and I need to not worry that if it is working well for our family than it is ok. Wishing you warm blessings and know that God will provide all of your needs - we are in a bit of a lean time too but our needs have always been provided.

Dearest Renee, Yes perhaps you might not appreciate baking like some of us do, but let me tell you it is more than ok. Your children are full of happiness, love and compassion. They are super well behaved free spirited kids and they have and will have an amazing life experience with you homeschooling and travelling like you plan too. So many kids don't and won't get that chance in life. From what I have seen and learned over time, you are fabulous parents. A few baked goods won't change the way your children will appreciate their childhood. Right is right for you! By the way I tried copying your nut bars and it was a disaster!

I need to read things like this post. I'm also often asking "can I live this way?" and feeling guilty because sometimes my life is just TOO good. And I have a lot of freedom. Husband is living his dream and passion of being a band teacher. Son goes part-time to school and part-time homeschools because that fits him. Daughter has chosen to go full-time to school and knows full well that's her choice, not made for her. I am working with a life coach and homeopath because I need to move forward a bit now that my kids are teens, and I don't know what to "do" with my life exactly. But these words of yours are words I will now have time to contemplate and so add them to my growing pile of inspiration: "Embrace the joy that is in your life right now. Think of ways you can move forward in that direction."

I'm realizing that I've been too narrow in my views of what I "should" do and most of it is not really who I am, but putting on a role. Do I become a life coach, a counselor, an artist, a Pastor (the last thing what I went to school for and quit 17 years ago), etc. But maybe I "become" none of those things but instead get to figure out who exactly I already am and how I can keep moving forward in that direction. That is what will truly give me joy.

So thank you. Your readers value you for exactly who you are, Renee, and the words you write are important to us. Keep moving forward.

What a beautiful, calming post. Yours, is my favorite new website. That picture of you all sitting around that low table with all the different ages and haircuts and beautiful Cost Plus looking glasses (not only saved for grownups, but splurged on the kids too). I LOVE all that. It's sooooo beautiful, but always sad for me too when I find blogs like yours. Just like you don't homeschool like your farm family friend 4 hrs away...I don't homeschool like/ we don't look like you. I WISH WE DID! I sooooo long to be that natural and calm with my children (boys 11 and 5) but I am not. I can't be a wonderful mom like you because I suffer from depression and horrible mood swings and rage. I'm an introvert and chide my oldest for being the same, always forcing him to join this or that, and yelling "stop being such a baby and go make some friends with those co-op kids". I obsess over curriculum or total lack of. I over plan every inch of their learning and then drop ALL OF IT (Yes...I'm a broken Type A)!!!!!! The stress of it all, the yelling, their bratty attitudes and noses up at ANYTHING educational, me throwing my hands up into the air and threatening to throw them in the public school around the corner. WEEKLY...maybe twice a week. My youngest saying...:Oh yay, I'm going to school...BYEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!" The oldest not wanting to go...but giggling just the same, anxious to get back to his gaming and both of them laughing in my face. I say.."Do you want to grow up and be stupid and have no job and home (which I KNOW is a horrible thing to say)...and my youngest says..."YAAAAAA !!!! I wanna be stupid and not learn anything" !!!!!!!

Am I LIVING it right? No...absolutely not. And that's why I am constantly striving for a more and more relaxed/Unschooly way to be (It's like I am grasping for ANY piece of homeschooling I can....JUST to be able to stay in the homeschool game. Like we're falling off a ledge and I'm holding all of us in this kind of learning by three fingers on the edge of the ledge...the kids dangling on my legs.)

But I can't relax and let go like all the relaxed/unschool bloggers say to do.I don't SEE the learning happening Waking up every morning asking.."Why God! Why give me kids...boys I can't handle? Anxiety and depression and introvertedness (thus a complete aversion to having them around me all day everyday)...and WHY O' WHY do I have to be soooo drawn to homeschooling...Unschooling When we are CLEARLY not cut out for this? What I am doing? Why did I pull my oldest out of school on and off? Years are passing by and now he's in 6th grade and I am messing him up. I want to be that mom, woman, family so badly...and they don't appreciate or care.I WANT TO BE IN THAT PICTURE OF YOURS!!! I've tried so many homeschool methods/styles and now the threat to send them back to PS is just that...a threat that they laugh at. So that leaves us STUCK in between. We are STUCK Rene and none of that beautiful joy for learning, motivation, creativity, smiling children, and beautiful colored wine glasses is going on where I live. No, I am NOT living it right.....this is NOT how homeschooling is suppose to go.

You know what I just realized???? My kids DON'T want to do anything because I DON'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING !!!! But nevertheless, you're blog is a beautiful, visual comfort to moms like me. We're on the outside looking in, your beautiful windows with that lovely fireplace glow.

Thank You

This is a great post, and one I really needed to read today-- thanks!

I LOVE this post, Renee! Thank you for sharing!

a beautiful post. so glad you switched directions :) i read a quote yesterday that you might enjoy..."judge each day not by the harvest you reap but by the seeds you plant." - robert louis stevenson

I wrote about a similar subject on my blog today. About finding joy in the business of everyday life. Sometimes, you just have to go with the day. Planning is needed, but on the days when you are not "feeling" the plan, those days are when we appreciate all that is around us. Thanks for such a beautiful post! Suzy

I LOVE this. I am a rule follower. Give me a handbook of directions and I'm a happy girl. I often ask myself the question "Am I doing it right." But recently I realize we have chosen a different path from many people. I don't have a big bank account, but we truly love our life. And I'm happy. This is where we are and we are living.

(p.s. I'm really trying to make Saturday work too. I don't want to miss it!) :)

Wow, that post is posted in such a timely fashion for me. We are still struggling to find OUR way, and sometimes I ask myself the same question...am I allowed really to do this like this? And of course, external pressure from family and surrounding makes the answer sometimes hard to hear. Thanks for all you've written, I'll have to remind myself this often.

As for homeschooling around here, it is not common, and a rather recent thing. And the further you'll go into the villages, the more unusual it is (you're pretty much right in that spot I am talking about.. :) ) I have family in the lower St Lawrence, and I have yet to find homeschoolers there when we go and visit.

Yes, preach the truth, sista!

xo

Coming back after thinking about it while the kids are painting.

I was reading the comment of that sad poster up there, and it reminded me how sometimes I do wonder if our family culture is indeed rich enough to sustain home learning.

I look at Catherine (Catherine et les fées) and looking at what you said about your friend Cat, and I think I wouldn't worry so much if my lifestyle was completely different and the children were entirely part of this way of living. We don't run a family business, we don't have a farm, and we are not on the road all that much since our last one is little still. Can a simple life at home be enough to sustain this? Should more be done? And is this the reason why I keep asking myself if I am allowed to do this?

Thanks again for your post. Much food for thought for me.

Thank you LisaZ, Kerry, Neptune and Renee for the support and reflection. I will keep trying EVERYDAY and EVERY WAY to find a method/calming lifestyle that works for us. There has to be something out there for families like ours......MOMS...LIKE.....ME. Thanks again. I appreciated it soooo much.

Oh, Renee. I love this post. We go through phases where we also wonder if we are doing the right thing... Mostly, we know deep down, but it is so easy to get caught up in that comparison trap... We met a nice family at a farmer's market and I had a bit of doubts after speaking with them, comparing, wondering... It's healthy to wonder, to question, to reevaluate. And it also feels great when we can find that inside peace that all is good. Yes, it is very freeing!

I loved this post. I've never commented here before but I read your blog regularly and very often, I find myself pondering over thoughts you've shared here (although honestly it did take me quite a while to actually decide for myself that I really enjoy reading here - I was afraid for quite some time that you were not human. Halloween convinced me you were and for that I am grateful! ;) )

Ha, that was my theme song in my college days and I so often end up in that same space. I'm at the clothesline with a baby in the sling and I can hear my boys chatting daddy's ear off and he's right there, 1/2 acre away just going about the daily doings.

I am finding more and more that when we embrace and fulfill the design God has for family, marriage, children, community, etc. that any of the angst we may have from living in a world that promotes the very opposite of His design just melts. away.

It's not always easy or familiar or common, but living this way gives a sense of peace that I have never had before... as though I have finally, finally discovered where I belong.

I am glad you wrote this post instead of the others (although I'm sure they will be good too). I hope moms will take what you say to heart and be encouraged to figure out who their families are and the best way for them to live.

I spent so many many years haunted by Joyce Swann and Mickie Colfax as well as all of those picture perfect moms and families in the Teaching Home Magazine. I've been homeschooling over twenty years now with 13 yrs. left to go before my youngest graduates and my school was always a failure when I measured us against those Supermoms. I tried so hard to turn us into them. And it never worked, because we weren't them.

It is good to be reminded that each family is unique as is each child. I never did understand that. I thought we had to fit a certain Christian homeschooling mold. Thanks for encouraging us to get rid of the mold and be ourselves.

I just wanted to let you know that I have been really enjoying your posts. Your writing speaks to me as I, too, am at a place of change as my girls grow older. I've been thinking about your Nova Scotia posts as well because I'm taking my daughter on her first college tour next week--to Mount Allison and Acadia University. This new phase of looking for the right school is very nerve-wracking.

Thank you, Renee. I often find myself asking if we're doing this homeschool thing right, if we're living right...I always feel I should be doing more, doing more of the "right stuff", whatever that might be :) I'm always second-guessing our choices whether it's because my 8-year-old isn't reading fluently yet or because I chose the most cost-effiecient over the "green" product...It is time to change the question. Thanks so much for sharing your story!

Another beautiful post. I always enjoy the posts that resonate / I can relate to the most. I am a master of second guessing in EVERYTHING I do. I have to really make a conscious decision each time to take a step back and remind myself of why our family made the choice we did, and that it was right for us, not necessarily the next person. Tougher sometimes than others when you can have so much information coming at you at any given time.

Great post! Thanks for sharing.

Hi Renee! I have thoroughly enjoyed both your post and the comments. We have a two-year-old daughter and since our birth (bwah Freudian slip her birth) I find myself smiling sheepishly throughout my day, musing as you said, is this really allowed to live this way and truly exercise "freedom"? Before starting our family I was driven and competitive with myself within my career. Now I feel like I've stepped off the treadmill that was chasing the illusory "American Dream" and now I breathe deeply in what I've realized to be my new dream. I work way, way less, commute barely, and we trade off between my husband and I for the brief childcare we need for me to work. My husband and I have found that many friends and some family do not understand our choices to live on drastically less in favor of more time together, more time in nature. A bit revealing how uncomfortable others can be when you "opt out" of the rat race. Finances are way tight, but I adore this new way of being. To freedom!

This was quite fortuitous for my feelings as of late. Is it right to pull the girls out of preschool because of bullying and teacher misdirection, is it right to stay home and not get a job, is it right that my husband works a job he doesn't like to support all of us...i guess it's the wrong question really because it just is, I am overall happy with my way of being and I think my daughters being home from preschool is better for them based in their behavior. But how does all this come together when I need a break and they need me more than ever, I don't know how to come to peace with this inside of me so we can feel peace inside all of us. Anyhow, thank you for this post it is quite beautifully written and exactly what I needed.

Goodness. That last picture of the kids gazing out the window told me that in that moment, it was perfect.