Breathing In

November 20, 2012

I have short feedback loops. As I explained in this post, I cannot go for long periods of time in a high energy space without re-filling my well.

I like that post. Here's a bit more of what I had to say.

And what followed was perhaps my favorite part of the whole day - the self directed retreat to quiet corners.

The hush that falls over my brood after being out and about. The natural desire to turn inward, to breathe in.

Outward activities - when our energy is engaged in the world (which may be in or out of the home), alternated with inward activities - when we fill that energy with quiet; is a pattern I've established in my personal time management and in our parenting and homeschooling in general.

The breathe in, breathe out principle.

I woke up yesterday in a cranky mood. First off, I didn't want to get up. That's odd for a Monday morning since I'm usually anxious to get going on my week. I love our hiking and hospitality driven weekends, but I love the return to routine also.

I was completely uninspired about my writing, which I usually face with enthusiasm. I was physically cold, with good reason - we're working out our wood heating routine. The house was messier than I like and I was just out of sorts and I wasn't even bothering to hide it.

My family is nodding their heads.

I finished my ineffectual writing time and said "forget school". Trust me, a mother in that kind of mood does not inspire learning.

Instead I said, "I'm going to the river if you want to come, suit up." Nature is my balm and my sanctuary. My place of both worship and solace.

When given the chance, my kids always want to walk to the river. Nature is as important to them as it is to me, just in other ways. (Think playground.)

We walked and they played. The river dazzled us with her icy beauty. And at various times I asked for quiet (my kids, they do love to talk) because my mind needed that.

We got home and I slept in front of the fire. I got up and made lunch and then I slept again. I didn't open my e-mail all day. I didn't feel sick but my body was telling me, "rest", and I listened.

And while I listened to my body I felt strongly that this week I need to take a break from this space. This very outward activity of blogging, even though I do it from the comfort of my home.

In my monthly cycle I am in the waning period of my creative energies. All things being equal this usually doesn't affect me too much. But all things not being equal, I have nothing left to give.

I have had a tremendous amount of engagement with the world in the past couple months - travel, a conference, hospitality, meeting new friends, blogging up a storm, opening an online store, a live teleconference last Saturday (you'll be able to purchase the audio from that sometime in December).

My body, spirit and mind are saying, "ok Renee, time for a break."

And I'm listening. Not because I'm at the end of my rope, but because I don't want to get to the end. I'm not sick. I'm not overwhelmed. I simply hear the message loud and clear and think, "yes, this is a good time."

It's American Thanksgiving this week. Brienne's birthday is this Sunday. The Holiday season is nigh upon us. And I just feel the deep need to breathe in right now.

To sleep late if I need to. To watch the birds at the feeder (which I'm doing right now). To sit by the fire. To watch some TV on the computer with my kids. To knit and maybe read a good book (I'm currently without a page turner). To prepare for and celebrate Brienne's entry to the age of double digits.

It feels so good to say, "I'm taking a break. I'll be back next week."

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  • Jess

    Jess on Nov. 20, 2012, 1:44 p.m.

    I often think about the post you mentioned, especially the part of retreating to their own corners. I've observed this in myself and my own children. I used to be uncomfortable with the breathing in, mainly because I came from a family that didn't listen to that inner voice as you do so well. I wasn't accustomed to an occasional nap or a calm day at home. I have learned that I too need that time, and that it's okay to not be on the go and 'out' (whether physically out of the home or simply out of your own comfort zone) all of the time.

    I hope you have a restful and enjoyable holiday and birthday celebration!

    reply
  • Michelle

    Michelle on Nov. 20, 2012, 2:04 p.m.

    Renee, I just love the titles of your posts. They inspire in and of themselves. Second, your writing is beautiful. I see it changing in really good ways. Third, I LOVE how intutive you are and how you listen to your body. I really love that. Have a nice week.

    reply
  • Ginger Davis Allman

    Ginger Davis Allman on Nov. 20, 2012, 2:30 p.m.

    I understand this one completely. One of the things I've found difficult about an outdoors lifestyle is that every time we're released of obligations "in the real world" we are on the road and on the trail. And though I dearly love my outdoors time, there is a lot of work and planning involved and the trips themselves always have an agenda and a timeline. So there's no room for 'cocooning'. Also, when one works from home, especially when you're a mother, the work doesn't end. Even when you're reading a book, you're answering questions and breaking up squabbles. It's very easy to still be working at 10pm. I should heed your words and slow down for some restoration before I crash. Now if I could only get over feeling like a slacker when I slack off.

    reply
  • Carol Anne

    Carol Anne on Nov. 20, 2012, 4:36 p.m.

    Love this post, you blog, and your amazing pics. I appreciate your example of knowing when to 'call it a day' before you begin. I need to take a lesson from you on that one. Hope you rest well. I know you will come back invigorated and inspired. Can't wait to see what you create out of your renewed energy!

    reply
  • Angela

    Angela on Nov. 20, 2012, 7:42 p.m.

    Renee, you've mentioned a few times that you honor and are aware of your cycle and how it affects your life. Would you consider doing a post about this? I would love to bring more awareness to this area of my life, and I'm not sure how to begin. Blessings on your rest time!

    reply
  • Laura

    Laura on Nov. 20, 2012, 9:17 p.m.

    Every post you write is so thought-provoking for me. I love that! There is much to love about visiting with you here. I hope this is a wonderful week for you! Happy Thanksgiving!

    reply
  • Sarah Westphal

    Sarah Westphal on Nov. 21, 2012, 2:32 a.m.

    Thank you.

    I have found this easier to allow as time goes on. Though I don't home school, I do have a 2.5 yr old, an 8 month old, and a baby due in April. These kids have taught me that it doesn't all have to be done, let alone all at once (which is also impossible with kids this age.) God has taught me that it really doesn't matter as long as he is glorified in whatever I am doing. Be it raising kids, napping on the couch or going for a nature walk. Our society is so consumed with and glorifies busy-ness and productivity that a post like yours is soaked up and rejoiced!

    Nap time! Sarah

    reply
  • christyb

    christyb on Nov. 21, 2012, 5:21 a.m.

    Your words resonate with me so much. (I only wish I could walk out the door, or even look out the window, to solace. Maybe some day, if it's supposed to be.) I hope you have much peace and rest.

    reply
  • Melissa R

    Melissa R on Nov. 21, 2012, 9:39 a.m.

    If you have read the Giver series by Lowry, then I highly suggest the final book, called Son. Page turner, for sure.

    reply
  • Rana

    Rana on Nov. 21, 2012, 2:18 p.m.

    I love that post on Breathing in.

    We have been traveling a lot also and I'm starting to get that travel weary feeling. At least we are going to places where I can just sit and breathe in. This is a hard season for me being that my mom will have been passed five years on the 22nd. It still feels like it just happened. Sometimes you just need to be home and breathe. I can totally relate to what you are saying about getting out of the house and breaking from the routine when you feel off. I love that we have a place to go to like you have the river. I have the lake. The kids and I can tramp around and just be quiet. We need these kind of days.

    Enjoy your quiet and I will look forward to reading about more of your adventures next week, in the mean time my family will be having our own fun adventures

    reply
  • Pamela

    Pamela on Nov. 21, 2012, 3:52 p.m.

    I find it so hard to listen to my body... to purposefully slow down. My expectations have changed a bit, and I find myself running around doing errands less and letting the girls play at home more. Getting outside is something I am working on, it is not my instinct and I tend to hibernate in the cold a bit. Thanks for your insights! Oh, I am reading "Blindness" by Jose Saramago for book club this month. It is not a light read by any means, but very thought provoking.

    reply
  • Anonymous

    Anonymous on Nov. 21, 2012, 6:46 p.m.

    This is great, I'm glad you can do this.

    I'm in a spot where I am at the end of my rope but the respite isn't here yet and I can't take it (we're moving). But I look forward to finding my new natural places when we get there.

    reply
  • Ruth

    Ruth on Nov. 22, 2012, 12:42 a.m.

    I'm learning not to compete with other people's busy ness - acknowledging that my productivity and activity levels may differ from theirs and I can say, 'my life is just right, a little work, a little play, a little rest' . . . . .

    reply

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