Learning to Read Part 2

This was so encouraging to hear! My eight year old daughter is just now fluently reading on her own. We went through the same trial and error with many programs, including How to Teach Your Child to Read, and it didn't work for us. Sometimes its hard to let go and not feel the pressure of what a school system says an eight year old or 'third grader' should be doing. We are also running into the same problems with math. We have tried many programs but the concepts are just not sticking! She memorizes math facts but she just doesn't understand it. Any suggestions?

I am so stressed about teaching my 5 1/2 to read. A friend of mine is using Teach Your Child to Read with her 4 and I'd like to try it. We've tried some other things, too. I've been anxiously awaiting this post - and yes, maybe we should wait. Her non-reading is stressing me out, but doesn't bother her. I feel like all eyes are on me to teach her to read in Kindergarten like they do in public school. I lay awake nights and worry about it. Can I do it? Did we make the right choice to homeschool? I hope and pray so.

If there's one thing that I've learned through motherhood that is truly important (and that no one taught me in graduate school--I'm a Developmental Psychologist) is that maturation is EVERYTHING. Potty training a kid who's too young is a lot more work and only marginally successful. Imagine trying to teach an infant to write the alphabet. Obviously, the motor skills aren't there, they don't know what letters are, let alone how to form them. Equally, trying to teach a kid who's just not ready is like pulling teeth. It can work, but it's a huge frustration. When they're developmentally ready, it flows so naturally. 2/3 of my children (the little one is a little too little) pretty well taught themselves to read, and I firmly believe that it's just that they were cognitively in the right place and in a language-rich environment.

Renee- I read your first post and I enjoyed this one just as much. I mentioned before my 3 kids are different and my boy who is 8 just picked it up. As a reading teacher I know the expectations our schools have and I think it is a gift as a home-schooler you gave your children time and space, and there is no reason to push and make tears- this would likely make them not want to read! At a public school the kids can be put under much pressure and undue stress on parents when there child is not 'where' they should be. With having had some training on brain research we know the majority of kids can learn to read at a young age (with specific guidance), but we have not waited for the outcome if it makes them enjoy reading. Reading is for pleasure and learning and that is a message we need kids to understand I think! I think you've done great by your kids, each one needs something different!

My oldest didn't even get formal reading instruction. She just taught herself while I read lots and lots of books to her. She was motivated to learn because there was a computer game we told her she could play once she could read. One day she just started reading and hasn't stopped.

My boys on the other hand are taking a lot longer to catch onto reading. I checked out 100 easy lessons and also the Ordinary Parent's guide to teaching reading. I too didn't enjoy the scripted lessons. That is just not how I do much of anything. For my older boy we started doing Explode the code primers. This worked for him. He still does them in fact. We have been through the primers and are up to book 3 now. He actually spells better than my daughter who hasn't had any phonics training. Not that that was my goal but just something I have noticed. We will continue until he tells me he is done. But he is reading better and better all the time.

My 2nd son has also been doing Explode the code and it is working pretty well for him as well. We also picked up the Bob Books which he likes. And all my kids read out of the McGuffey Readers. We actually don't mind the old fashioned language. They often read aloud with a British accent because they seem so proper. We have read a lot of books aloud with accents so my kids have caught on to that, I guess.

Hah! I LOVE to read. ALL THE TIME!! I bought the 100 Lessons and have done...none. Granted, I've just had a baby and the eldest wants to be reading is just about 5 and we are moving again. I just can't seem to get started with the lessons as well. I taught for years and love scripted math (saxon) but not so much with reading. I mentioned to my husband the other day that he should do the book with my son. Now I think I will REALLY encourage him!

I devoured this post! My oldest is six and I haven't thought about it at all until recently when I had my first doubts, "ugh, am I sure I know what I'm doing?"

The thing that got me thinking is that he spoke at an early age and has an uncanny ability to use a wide and impressive vocabulary and I just started thinking that maybe he'd be reading if I was presenting it right.

So far we're just reading. He has, at different times, noticed different letter combinations and punctuation marks and asked questions about them and pointed them out. But every time I try to point something out or show him something he immediately stops wanting to know. Our reading time together has been cut short lately with the new baby and a high needs three year old around and one day while he was waiting for me I mentioned about how I remember loving learning to read because I didn't have to wait for my mom to read to me. He was definitely curious and I simply offered to teach him whenever he was ready. I'll be excited when he's ready and I might look into some of the resources you and the other commenters mentioned.

Thanks Renee!

Great post. My almost-4-year-old could read three letter words before he was three. He knew the sounds of letters and could identify all the letters of the alphabet. We never pushed him, but made sure to provide tools when he was curious (there are some great abc and alphabet sounds videos on YouTube). He goes in fits and starts, and now seems to be sounding out words to himself when he is "reading." My two-year-old can sing the abc song, but not id the letters.

But, they are both great where they are. I think you are right on letting kids pick the speed they want to learn to read and realizing that what works for one might not work for the other(s). You really have to know your kids and they're learning styles. I'm definitely going to check out the book you mentioned.

(Long post = long comment ;)

I couldn't agree more. Although I try to relax about it, at times I do doubt my ability as well, and start to second guess myself. Winter is coming and I'm looking forward to cozy times, addressing this topic more in depth with my son. Thanks for telling me what has and hasn't worked for you!

I've been reading a lot about kids who delay formal learning and do just as well as any other, but it sure is encouraging to see people I know learn this way and see how wonderfully they are growing! Thank you for sharing your stories, and I will be saving this link to check into all the resources. Laurent and Brienne must be excited, becoming so accomplished!

Wonderful post! I'm a huge proponent of letting kids learn in their own time. Having said that, not all kids will learn naturally, and I encourage parents to trust their instincts if they feel there is a problem beyond simple readiness. I have two children with two wildly different experiences.

My oldest (now 11) is dyslexic and struggled mightily in the early grades. In my heart I knew there were problems, but let teachers convince me he "just wasn't ready." A child (by the end of 1st grade) who does not remember simple sight words within the same reading passage, confuses words such as what and that, when and then consistently, skips "filler" words like a, the, it etc. should be screened for dyslexia. Contrary to popular opinion dyslexia is much more complicated than simple letter reversals! I'm extremely grateful that he is now a voracious (if slow) reader and self-identifies as a reader.

My youngest self-taught. One day when she was just over five I was quizzing the oldest on spelling words (which he couldn't spell!) and she was getting every single one of them. I picked up a simple picture book and asked her to read a couple of sentences, lo and behold she could. At eight she is now reading well above "grade" level. Unfortunately, she isn't a reader! Every once in a while she will find a book that she loves and read for hours on end, but it doesn't happen often enough for this book lovin' momma.

I continue to model good reading habits, and limit technology, hoping it's just a matter of time before she too will become a voracious reader!

Good luck with your little ones.

Renee, I have been waiting for this post. I have a copy of 100 lessons and it started okay with my daughter, but we lost interest. I didn't even attempt it with my son. We moved on to just reading easy readers like Dick and Jane and Dr. Seuss and I found Progressive Phonics which my daughter loves and now she is reading really well. My son on the other hand didn't do as well with Progressive Phonics so we tried Explode the Code. He likes to do the worksheets, but he still get's frustrated with it. So right now I am just reading a lot of stories and he reads a bit of Dick and Jane to me and we play a lot of games with flashcard words and I made up memory games with the words too. The twins are 7 now and I was getting worried about my son not reading, but I understand that everyone reads at their speed and as long as I keep reading to them it will come. Thanks for sharing your resources too.

Quick question, now that reading is going pretty well what do you do about writing? I'm looking for some ideas. Right now they do a couple of sentences a day telling me what they understood from a bible story that I read to them. Usually I dictate and they copy. They also write thank you cards and simple notes to family out of town. Might you or anyone else have any suggestions on other writing ideas? Thanks!

This is such a great post! My 5 y/o, Finch, is learning to read right now. I started out with "The Ordinary Parents Guide to Teaching Reading" but found it too boring and scripted. We also tried HeadSprout and Reading Eggs but he didn't like doing things online. I decided to give it one more try with Bob Books which he likes much much better. He proudly told his grandmother that he could read yesterday and pulled out a Bob book to read to her! And one more thing: not everyone will be interested in television as an option for reading help, but for those who are, I highly recommend the Leapfrog Letter Factory dvd. I saw it recommended on a message board and played it occasionally for Finch. The letters and their sounds are sung during the movie and I really believe this helped him to learn them well!

Thanks for this follow up post! I love hearing about what works for other families. We too tried different workbooks but it always fizzled out. All five of my girls learned at different ages (one read at around age 9 but it still took a few more years until she read for pleasure - I worried about that for a long time but now I see she just had her own pace). My son (age 8) is not a reader yet, (he knows letters and some words) but his interest in learning himself is just starting now. In our case, what seemed to work is finding books that they really loved, what subjects really interested them, and then they wanted to learn (and read) more about it themselves without waiting for me :) (As for writing we did some copy work - I would get them to tell me a (very) short story and write it out for them and then they would copy it, add pictures and make a book out of it. It seemed to really keep them interested because it was their own work. We also do a lot of informal writing - lists, etc. - Just my 2 cents :)

Oh, my. We read 'Fun with Pets' from Abeka. It has taught every one of my children to read. We LOVE IT! After they graduate from that book (they always finish it!) we move on to easy readers. Gosh, your story is so much similar to mine. Maddie took off reading at age 4. Sam was almost 9. It's O.K. if they are almost nine and just starting to read!!! It really is! :0) Sam is now a voracious reader. I cannot keep him supplied in medieval, gardening or survival books! :0)

Thanks for this info Renee. I have two children who were "late bloomers" when it comes to reading, which so surprised me because they were so precocious in everything else (talking, logic, vocabulary) and they so loved books. In both cases, things finally "clicked" and away they went! My other child is another story. Very bright, but with some learning difficulties; reading just seems so much trouble for him that he refuses to even try. He constantly guesses what word is on the page, using context if possible but never actually sounding out any word from the beginning to the end. At this point, the books he +could+ read are so boring to him that he really has no desire at all. I plan to try the book about learning styles that you suggest, but I wonder if it is all about learning difficulties. I'd certainly try the 100 Easy Lessons. I would try almost anything at this point! Thanks, Tracy

Oh i love the sense of spaciousness and time in this post...the stressful worrying doesn't come through. What comes through is your trust in your children. Our girls are 7 and 5. We have been sporadically doing"100 easy lessons" with 7 year old and 5 year old jumped on too. I loved the scripted-nature of it. I didn't have to think through something! Yay! 7 year old is losing interest and wants more books with stories and a sense of going somewhere. 5 year old likes the methodical approach of "100 easy lessons." There is no rush for either.

My five year old is, I think, mostly learning to read by learning to spell! She wants to write words all the time and works at sounding them out and has read some of the beginning Bob books. But mostly, it seems to me at this time, I think she is developing her reading skills by writing. This is different from my experience with my older two. Fun to watch.

Laurent is a very lucky boy that you are homeschooling. Had he been in the public schools, he would have been branded as a slow learner and his wonderful self esteem would have been damaged by the system's inability to accommodate his atypical maturity path. Kids learn in their own time, on their own schedule. I mean, you still check for the obvious (ears/eyes/mental development) but once you're clear on that there's not much else to do but love them and provide a fertile environment for them to take off when they're ready. And this applies to other things too, whether it be physical skills or writing or the ability to stay on task. All in due time.

Thanks for this post. My 9 year old daughter is still learning to read and I really enjoyed hearing what you've tried and what worked, etc. I too am very thankful we're homelearning and have the freedom to wait until she's ready! Thanks for sharing your journey!

Renee, you have given your children such a wonderful gift to allow them to develop at their own pace! The human mind is amazing, and there are children who teach themselves to read at age two (my brother-in-law!) and at age 12, and I really think either is just as well! I feel so sad for the many many children in our country's schools who are labeled as poor readers, below grade level, etc. and who will forever carry that feeling of not being good enough in their hearts. The truth is that children will eventually learn to read, that they will be motivated to do so because we live in a world of print, and that non-readers can be learning just as much as readers through all their interactions with the world. Your comment that you do not have a goal of teaching a love of reading really got my attention. I had never thought of it that way before, but I think you are spot on. Reading is a tool that everyone should have at their disposal, but there's no reason why everyone should have to love doing it! But one thing I look forward to as my kids get older is getting more time to read myself. :)

This was a very interesting post. I have three avid readers, but one was more reluctant than others. I am a VERY determined kind of girl: we have a program, we follow it. But I had become wise (read OLD) enough by my third child to know to leave well alone. Children one and two were a BREEZE, like Celine. I taught my son with no pain; my daughter actually taught herself at age 4 1/2, by listening to my son's lessons and by asking around (any living being pretty much) what would these two letters sound like, etc. Interstingly, they learned in one language (the one where we live and attend school) and managed to teach themselves to read in English, on their own. My third child, though, was just NOT interested. Not in writing, not in reading. So I didn't force her (like I would have LIKED to do but saw was not going to get us anywhere). She attended first grade and learned like everybody else does here, through her teacher. She is the only child we have actually had to have reading practice with. But still, she wasn't that interested at all. This year though... something bit her and she caught the 'book devouring' bug. Not sure what happened, but one day she decided she was going to read. She started with itty bitty books and got soon bored. She moved to some of her siblings books (she is 7, they are 10 and 13), reading sections of suitable and interesting books. And now? She ditched the primary language reading, taught herself to read in English over the summer, and is about half way through 'Charlotte's Web'. On her own. She picked it and started reading. She occasinally comes for words like 'bloodthirsty' and 'gloomy' but that's it. All this to say, there is no hard and fast rule it seems: the kids are all different and do differen things. And now? I have a 4 1/2 years old boy DIEING to read, DIEING to do math... Go figure... And I wonder how my newborn will be, when it is his turn to learn to read? It's an adventure!! Thank you for sharing your philosophy and stories about reading: I really enjoyed them!

I have read a lot about this book, and am definitely interested. Of course, I maybe a bit ahead of my time for it, as my daughter is just 2 and a half, but, I like to prepare things way. in. advance. :-) She loves me reading to her though, and I definitely want to have a game plan when she wants to read on her own. Thanks for this opportunity!

A friend of ours said he learned to read when he was 9. He just finished his PhD and moved away to start a new job at a university in South Dakota.

Thanks for sharing your teaching experience--fascinating. We are working with our second child this year who is learning to read at home and in kindergarten. I think her older sister has taught her as much as (or more than?) anyone else!

Oh how I relate! My third boy, age 10, is finally really reading. In August, I told him that this was his year; he was going to take off. (And then I prayed I was right. Lord help him!)He was bummed his younger sister by 3 years was reading better than he was. All About Spelling was our key. I had researched different approches and the spelling to reading approach (the one I had yet to try)was the key. We started 3 years ago with this program taking small steps, short lessons and lots of review. I'm guessing it will take us another year to get him up to grade level, but I am so grateful for this program. Biggest hurdle was not feeling like a total failure as I waited for him to mature. I am so thankful he is at home where he it is safe to mature without the fear of being labeled. Cheer's to you patient mama!

My oldest two (girls) practically started reading on their own and then my boys came along and it's been a real struggle to teach them how to read. It's so nice to hear other's stories and know that I'm not alone. My 8 year old is only reading level 1 readers and my 6 year old is still having to sound out words like "cat" and "bat". I'd be lying to say I don't worry, but it's posts like this that help me not panic and send them to school.