Flowers at the Farm

August 20, 2010

This has been an incredibly difficult week for me. And to add insult to injury I can't talk too much about it here and that's hard. I like writing out my angst. You should see the scrawl in my journals these days.

I briefly considered not taking my camera to the farm yesterday. Truth be told, I didn't even want to go to the farm to pick up our veggies. I wanted to just lay in bed or maybe write. But the veggies were waiting, the kids needed time outdoors and the day was just so beautiful.

That fact alone was another source of grief for me. I heap guilt on myself for not appreciating beautiful summer days. So when I'm in a funk on a such a day and not appreciating the gorgeous weather, I beat myself up for it. I'm pathetic and I'd like to some day get over my guilt complex.

Anyway we went to the farm and spent time swinging (Brienne and Laurent), reading (Celine), picking flowers (Brienne and I) and just hanging out. It was good.

Time at the farm didn't solve my problems and because Brienne forgot her shoes (only children forget shoes) I was late getting home for starting supper which added minor complication to our day. But it did get me out of the house, removed me from my (mostly in my head) problems, guilt, and exhaustion for an hour or so. 

And now I have these photos. Lovely photos. Photos that remind me of beauty not problems.

I love flowers and photography. And the farm.

(I hadn't intended or planned this post but it seems to be an unofficial Friday's Flowers post.)

Filed Under

« Who Needs to Knit?
I'm ok »
  • Kika

    Kika on Aug. 20, 2010, 3:51 p.m.

    Glorious photos! My middle daughter 'forgets' (actually loses) things, wherever we go. My patience with that is about.... nil. Usually her dad has to take her to retrace steps and attempt to find missing item.

    reply
  • jenn

    jenn on Aug. 20, 2010, 3:56 p.m.

    I am sorry you've been having a hard time. I think I understand what it's about...I hope you find peace and God's comfort and guidance during this difficult time. I wish there was something I could say or do to help but I don't know what that would be. Saying prayers of endurance for you and Damien...and remember, that all things work out for the good for those that love Him. Hugs~

    reply
    • renee

      renee on Aug. 20, 2010, 5:59 p.m.

      Thank you Jenn. Yes, you know what this is about and somedays it's exhilarating to dream and other days is just so hard to think through the details and then let go and trust. I appreciate your prayers, so very much.

      reply
  • Shawn

    Shawn on Aug. 20, 2010, 6:40 p.m.

    Though it isn't entirely helpful to hear while you are in the thick of it... God will close doors, God will open doors. Hang in there! Wishing you lots of sunshine and cracks in doors.

    reply
  • Denise

    Denise on Aug. 20, 2010, 9:34 p.m.

    I have had something occur this week as well that has consumed me and left me very tired. Long story short - I need to leave our church. I was just thinking I may need to get away somewhere this sunday - I am thinking the mountains.

    reply
  • Cindy

    Cindy on Aug. 20, 2010, 10:02 p.m.

    Love you, Renee. As the person said above, God opens and shuts doors. Will pray. Hey, if you would like to chat... 514-7486. It's a vonage and toll free!

    reply
  • nicola@which name?

    nicola@which name? on Aug. 21, 2010, 6:14 a.m.

    Oh, Renee, I am sorry this week has sucked. I was just talking with Mike about my own guilt complex. I had lost hope that one day I would grow out of it, but I can always (day) dream, right? Huge hugs and yes, gorgeous photos! Nicola

    reply
  • Michelle

    Michelle on Aug. 21, 2010, 7:16 p.m.

    I felt much the same way yesterday - too much on my mind to appreciate the beautiful weather, felt badly because I know summer is ending soon and I shouldn't keep a kid in on such a beautiful day... went out, suffered consequences getting home later than desired. Then felt guilty that I felt resentful. I always feel so guilty about my guilt-complex. So I wanted to tell you that you're not pathetic, you're human. I hope you feel better about whatever it is that's bringing you down. Also, your daughter forgetting her shoes and your comment that only kids can do that made me laugh. I'm sure it wouldn't have been so funny if my son did it.

    reply

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