Forget About Balance

Last year I took an "Artist's Way" Class at our local community college. It was inspirational on some many levels, but the thing I took from the class most was when the instructor said - "I don't strive for balance, I strive for growth." She said when you think of balance, think of a see-saw balancing in the middle - there's nothing happening, no growth, no real fun or inspiration - just balance. I just loved that - in some way it gave me permission to give up this elusive and imagined notion of living a balanced life.

I also agree that living according to our priorities can be hard - mostly because it seems like the entire outside world (sometimes) is working against us...

Oy, that's a long-winded comment way of saying, I loved this post. I wish you luck in finding the order and growth that you seek.

Great post as so many women (and men) have felt this way. For me it is often about perception. I know when I change my thinking (and/or get a good night’s sleep) things often improve within hours. Must go, two year-old is putting lip balm in my hair right now. :-)

This strikes me as a very European point of view on the matter, and the kind of semantics I understand.

This is a fantastic post - such an important issue for mothers, especially. I love the idea of choosing priorities over trying to balance it all, because I find that's where I get stuck a lot. I find that I'm doing a lot of stuff that doesn't really relate to my priorities at all and I've lost my way, and have to let some things go to get back on track. It's an ebb and flow for me - I go from being overcommitted to things I don't actually care that much about, to getting that under control and then the pendulum swings the other way again. I also like the idea of striving for growth (thanks, Kathie!), because that is one of my biggest priorities, and I find that I get all irritable when I take on so many commitments that I don't have time for working on myself and developing new interests and ideas. So much food for thought!!!

I am slowly, slowly, cutting out activities to make enough room for my true priorities. Each year I am having to work this out and, to some degree, negotiate this with my husband who doesn't always see the dangers of agreeing to everything. Also, he handles lots of activity (and chaos) far better than I do. One of the hardest things for me is to cut out "good" activities (like volunteering) because I really do value this. However, in the grand scheme of things, volunteering in the community still has to take a back seat to my primary values (ex. homeschooling, being an excellent wife and mama and staying healthy/whole myself).

Your post made me think of a book I read sometime last year. The author said much what you have to say about "balance". About it's being a myth...impossible...the source of much stress. He went on to espouse the idea of living in rhythm. It is written from an evangelical point of view which I struggled with at times, but his ultimate point is a good one. http://www.mckinneyfellowship.org/resources/your-life-in-rhythm/

I've heard a few bloggers give up the idea of balance and my first reaction is to fight it. "Nah" I think. "Balance is where it's at and I'm going to find it.....someday". But your post is the first time I've actually understood the sentiment. I hear you mama. Sometimes when I think about balance I picture a pendulum swinging back and forth and the point is that it stays balanced even if it's swinging wildly, right? Maybe for me that's a better picture of balance. There will be highs, lows and extremes, but believing that everything in life does wing around to it's opposing force.

Or maybe I'm just thinking too hard ;)

Wow. A powerful post for me, especially as I am taking 'steps toward balance' each day and each month. To me, what you say, "move forward with what is most important right now and let go of the rest" is what I think of as balance. It is deciding on priorities and making those happen. I hope things have settled down a bit for you. Hugs, Nicola

Well said. Variables of life change, in content and priority, so the notion of being balanced is also in flux. I have only enough time and energy and desire to think about taking care of the variables. Just like life isn't fair - maybe the same applies to it being in balance.

I'm glad you hit publish. :) I often learn something new from reading your blog and this time I had to read it twice to "get" it. My first impulse was...I'm working so hard to find balance, don't tell me that's not important! Then came the recognization of a familiar situation...when I try to sit down and make a schedule that has everything important happening every day it is overwhelming, but when I leave open space in our lives and only schedule the highest priorities, it comes together. And when I headed over to another favorite blog, Handmade Homeschool, I found a post that seemed somehow related http://handmadehomeschool.wordpress.com/2010/08/12/center/ ...that is to say, maybe an even pace is just not the way life works.

renee...i just love your honesty and your ability to (gently) invite me to stop and reflect and re-examine.

in so many ways my life has been "out of balance" this summer (working lots of 12 hour days...way too few home-cooked meals...way too much time driving in the car) and yet when i look back at the summer as a whole...my gosh it makes me smile!

the work is hard and i am tired and sometimes i wish i could clone myself so one of me could stay home and "keep house" while the other goes off to work but really...balance or no balance...what an amazing, joy-filled adventure this summer has been!!!

thanks for helping me to see that.

~erin

I can very much relate to this post, and I do believe that prioritizing and "seeking balance" may be one in the same to me. But, I think that prioritizing is a better way to describe the way I try to live.

Thanks for your comment on my balance post! And thanks for this link. I can see how, by the way I put the picture, that it would look like I'm saying that priorities and personal values are in opposition to each other. I don't believe that at all. Rather, when changes come my way, whether it be a busier season or a move or something, it involves me re-evaluating things. In order to achieve a sense of balance, or in other words, a state of peace for me and my family, I look at my priorities and values to get to that state. I definitely agree it is a movement forward.

You've definitely given me more to think about, specifically defining what I mean by balance. Thanks for making me think! Have a great day!

In my work with SED foster kids (before I was married, and on til I had two kids) the emphasis/way to avoid most behavior issues was to focus on gentle, predictable transitions.

When I end up in issues of my own (with more or less "acting out" as we used to call it), transition-planning seems to be the magic many of the times.

Your #3 made me think of that transition stuff again. If we can pull it together enough just to focus on the edges, I think the gush in the middle takes on more form. Enough, anyway.

And I never liked the idea of "balance" either: I could never live with the idea of giving 20% of myself to 5 things. If I only wanted something enough to give 20% of myself to it, I'd probably never go there at all.