July 12, 2008
I'm tired. Of trying to do everything really well, I can't. I can only do my best and what frustrates the heck out of me is that even my best isn't nearly good enough. Don't tell my kids I said this, I tell them the opposite all the time.
I'm tired of answering to mommy, cooking three homemade vegan gluten-free meals a day, perpetually cleaning the kitchen, loving my neighbors, organizing my home, hanging laundry, reading to my kids (gasp - how terrible is that?), coordinating our buying club, homeschooling, making my own soaps and salves, washing plastic bags, gardening, planning the budget and paying bills, hiking, washing the floor, picking berries, washing berries, freezing berries, washing greens, steaming greens, eating greens.
What I want right now is to write, without distraction and to be a rockin' photographer, long sigh......
I think I need a break from all my expectations. My husband keeps telling me I need to focus. I find that so hard because I love my varied and yet kind of cohesive creative, health-promoting, community-minded, planet-saving, life-beautifying pursuits. Ah, what's a mama to do??
Probably take a break, from which pursuit/obligation/interest I'm not sure. Something's gotta go or sit on the back burner. Which reminds me I have to go check that oil extract for making salve I have simmering on the stove.
Maybe I should run off and join the circus. Maybe I need to spend less time on the computer, ouch. Maybe I need to accept I'm not everything I want to be. Maybe I just need to shut up and go to bed early.
I might take a break from blogging, or a break from picking berries or a break from cooking - ha, I wish! I did promise a post today about nasturtiums. I'm almost done that and will post it soon - someday. In the meantime I will be taking a break from something to try and recharge my batteries and truly appreciate the wonderful life I have.
