Ides of March (on St. Patrick's Day)

March 17, 2012

(No Weekend Edition links today.)

I just learned about the Ides of March this week. We were reading Chapter 35 in The Story of The World: Ancient Times (the one that's taken us about 2 years to read through) and came across the significance of March 15th.

While reading the gruesome (but sanitized for young children) details of Caesar's death to Brienne and Laurent I had Celine do some do some research for us. She's good at that - researching, reading and then teaching us some of the missing pieces to the story.

And this is when I made the Roman history ~ March 15th ~ Ides of March connection.

Just a useless bit of trivia from this learning-all-the-time homeschooling mama.

All of that to say it's the middle of the month and what a hum dinger it's been.

our winter wear bin

Winter was going so well - my best yet. First there was joy, then there was peace, then there was skiing. And now this.

March - the month of endless winter and Daylight Savings Time.

The extra light at supper time is wonderful. It literally lightens my heart. Over sleeping five days in a row, shortchanging my morning quiet time - not so wonderful. It's partially my fault for getting engrossed in a fabulous read and not turning out the light till 10pm. But really - 10pm lights out (and I fall asleep fast) should get me up by 6am. Alas is does not. I'm struggling to adjust.

It feels like the edges of my life seem to be unraveling a bit this month. 

I am launching my first e-book next week. You might be thinking, "that must be cool to write and publish an e-book." Right now, not so much. It feels like giving birth and just like a laboring woman (you may not want to visualize this) - I feel a bit stretched right now. And like I’m losing control just a wee bit.

That happens in birth, producing art, raising children, loving husbands. Oh yeah... that happens in life!

My mind has been playing with this birth analogy in part because of the natural season around me, the book I'm reading, and having just submitted Laurent's birth story for a friend's blog. I'll link to that when it publishes. But really birth is such a perfect metaphor for where I'm at.

Let's just hope that the newborn days and months of exhaustion and sleep deprivation do not follow!

The promise of spring is just around the corner. I know it. The warmer and longer days tell me this.

But hoping for spring does not take away the realities of living.

The push and pull of this month's work, home management and school. The self-doubt that creeps in and insecurities in spades as I dip my toe in the waters of online publishing. The loneliness we often feel in our journey.

The hard discussions I've had with my life's love as we break through and move forward - on many fronts. The stress of the bank account hovering dangerously low (who needs extreme sports) as we await payment for work done.

our neighbor visiting on his snowmobile

This push - the stretching, risking and trusting simply goes with the territory of the life we've chosen. We all experience this, just in different contexts.

For me, it happens to be really pronounced this month.

It goes without saying that I am blessed with my life - my work, my relationships, my activities. The whole thing. I am so thankful for love - when you love on your children they love you back when you need it. This is such a blessing to me.

I am thankful for regular routines and disciplines (one day a week, simple winter suppers, anchoring) that carry us on autopilot when needed. I'm enjoying growing relationships and connections in our new community. This is all good. But I am weary this Ides of March and looking forward to spring.