Who is my Greek Goddess?

ah, well......it all still does matter to me, the defining myself by existing lables kinda thing.  But the last 6 months have been challenging for me personally (internally) and after reading this post, i can better understand why, i think.  the lables i have struggled to make fit or 'rise to' have never truly applied and i am very ready to move on, maybe 'emerge' from their shadows.  i am a self-described eternal pessimist; as i feel some of this slipping through my fingers, though, i suddenly find myself less often looking for the problems and issues and just being okay.  and being okay with just the 'me' part of the equation, not in reference to anyone/anything else.....

lots of food for thought here...thank you for sharing...i am so glad to be your friend!

I can understand. Life I've found comes in waves of doing life differently for awhile. Adventureous types need to vary it up from time to time. I was never one to sit inside doing 'craftsy' things for too long before the outdoors was calling me out and boy did it. My husband and I took up biking for a time, traveling with our little trailer, homesteading with solar power and spring fed water system, to now settling down on a place with electricity and all the amenities of 'civilized' living. I no longer work, due to being laid off in March of this year. It's been a few months of finding myself once again. I jump from learning a new craft skill to the next as often as one can muster up, taking in all the things I couldn't do and using the amount of time it takes with working. I'm loving it, well, maybe that's pressing it a little, I'm adapting pretty well. It's cold right now and it's keeping me in more. But applying myself to this next part of my life is and will continue to be an adventure! Sail my friend!

thank you for being such a thoughtful writer and for being willing to share those inner journeys and figurings. on the other side of 40, with kiddos who no longer need me at their side, holding their hands, i am feeling the discomfort that tells me a stretch is happening, and it is encouraging to hear you think yours through! sometimes i'm too lazy to do that work, but i know it is happening...

With a sigh I recall the Personal Growth Chat as a time when I heard real hearts, real woman (not that there's a lot of fake ones out there... just no masks detected in that particular conversation).  I am truly, holding a calm-joy in my heart about the rest and release you've found in this area Renee.  Really.  I know it's still a conundrum for me when I become bogged down with the conflicting roles (it seems) of teacher/adventurer/wife/mama.  And then some days they glide so well together it feels like I'm skiing with perfectly waxed skies!  (wink, wink)  Also, I need to not be so surprised when a facet that needs polishing in my spirit is worked on for the better.  If I didn't fight those times, I think it would go much smoother for everyone. 

And, I'll admit, that that 'identity' question has kept me from writing my own blog.  I'm not sure how to overcome that hurdle.  See, I'm not afraid to write and share ideas, links, tips, etc.  It's the defining 'what the blog' is and 'the writer' I would be that has frustrated me enough to not even try.  Then the idea comes back, or someone asks me if I've launched anything yet, and the questions begin again.  I am curious how you overcome that question, if it is there, here at FIMBY and Outsideways.  In many ways, this post answer enough!

Renee, I read what you write and it resonates so strongly within me!  One thing that particularly interests me is how we are just about the same age with similiar desires and interests, but in such different places in our life path.  Two weeks ago I gave birth to a little girl, my fifth child.  My oldest is twelve, and I also have an eight year old, a five year old, and a two year old.  I hear that call to leave the hearth and venture out with my more adventuresome husband, but that desire to venture out becomes so much more difficult when I try to figure out how to fufill it and mother my little ones in the way I think they should be mothered.

Well, my little girl is awake, so I best go change and nurse this adorable little bundle!  But please know I think about your posts far more than I manage to comment on them - they are giving me much food for thought and they are helping me sort out quite a bit in my inner life.

(And Shelly, I totally get what you are saying about blogging - I have that same problem too!) 

I to try to live into the unfolding self...I want to be the woman who grows into newness, nudging at the edges of my known self. I too am excited at growing older (44 and rising!) and continuing to know the untamed corners of my self. 

You are certainly an important part of my tribe :-) I am deeply grateful for your blog and how it mentors me.  I strongly identify with the outdoors from my teens and early twenties - I lived in a kayak and with my backpack on. Now partly inspired by your words, I return (infact I have been trying to return for years) patiently and persistently bringing my husband and children with me. 

I smiled at your thought of which words sound right: tribe, fan, etc. The other day you wrote in your response to my comment, "choir", and I thought that sounded better than any other word to describe one's group. :) 

I loved reading this and remembering the personal growth chat, too. I feel like this year away from my hometown and families, has been a very stretching year and I've grown to see more of who I am, and who I can give myself permission to be, even though I have never "felt" that I was those things (others were, not me, like "writer" or "artist") but I've always wanted to be, and when I don't 'feel' them, I end up not 'doing' them either (a mistake).  A few books informed these thoughts as well like Emily Freeman's, " A Million Little Ways". I also like to read books that speak to where I'm at. I'm reading "An Altar in the World" by Barbara Brown Taylor, and it's been so good. A quiet, reflective, winter read. :) 

I'm learning a lot about identity re: internal & external.  I think these two are different for me but I want them to be more meshed. Or maybe I just don't want to rely on my external identity-as people see what I do publicly-I want them to see more of the internal identity, too, that I'd like to become more of. I've begun thinking a lot about my family history and past and seeing how that has informed identities in me, and it's been a really good thing to think about.

Sarah M

What a heartfelt post! I feel so connected to what you say and to you, through those words... I have felt that split so much in the last decade... I have felt like an inadequate outdoor woman in the Yukon, surrounded by the serious athletes that made up the majority of the population and our friends... Like you, I have stopped trying to define myself, because I am constantly evolving and connecting more and more to who I really am instead of who I think I am (or should be). And I feel so free. Sometimes I feel alone, but mostly, I feel very content with who I am. And that is the greatest feeling.

What a wonderful post.  You commented that you have sometimes struggled to pin down your identity as a blogger, while other bloggers seem so completely, cleanly  defined.   It made me think that of all the blogs I have read over the years yours is the only one that I haven't take a break from or abandoned completely and it occured to me that it is precisely because I enjoy the growth and change you write about.   When I turned 40 I took up running as form of exercise because I needed something that I could do easily, at the drop of a hat, with no class schedule or driving anywhere.  Shoes on, out the door.  A very fit, gym regular neighbor of my own age commented,  "Why are all these women suddenly taking up running?"   in a derisive tone.   I thought to myself that maybe we needed to grow and learn something new and that what I had done in my 30's was not necessarily the be-all and end-all of my existence.   Six years later I now embrace the idea that I like challenge (from never having run a mile I went on to run several half marathons - not fast but with lots of heart) and change and growth and the knowledge that comes with it.   I don't want to be stagnant.  I want to know ALL of me.

Lovely, thought-provoking post today. I thank you for putting words to many of my feelings right now. My spin is this= I always thought I SHOULD be like my mom. I think for the lack of having any other adventuring/homemaking moms as role models, I didn't know how to be that sort of person but it happened. My mother never has or can even imagine living the kind of life I do. I am 51 years old and have finally decided it is fine to be who I am without labeling it. I am Barb...unique and special to those that know me. I would love to find in real life the kind of role model I need right now and pray that kind of relationship comes to me but if it doesn't, I can just be me and read posts like yours today that make me feel like that is good enough.

My path has been a bit of the opposite--I spent my twenties as an Artemis (but hunting wild herbs, not deer) and in a love affair with the nature. It defined everything about my life, most of all my sense of place and wellbeing. For six years I've embraced the hearth, and found richness and contentment there. We kept hiking, kept camping, kept skiing, but now, but now things are changing. The kids are too big to be carried, and can only be lured so far down the trail by "honey beans" (carob chips) and stories. We do insist on family time in nature, but it is so profoundly resisted that it leaves us exhausted. I am suffering from nature deficit disorder, and so is my relationship with my husband. That is where we formed our union, and where it feels strongest, most nurtured. Anyways, I just had to share this challenge of my currently blessed life stage. Thank you for listening :) 

Renee, I get this. I am a homemaker educating eight kids. I am a not-too-risky-adventurer who took hubby and said kids traipsing across Asia and Europe for 15 months. I read. I crochet. I hike. I bake bread. I pray. I garden. I aim towards zero waste. I wish I could be a photographer. I love long distance walking. I dream. And I realise that I am not defined by any one of these activities. All of them swirl together in seasons as I live. It seems it's similar for you. All the best.

This is my first visit to your blog and I loved this post.  I am in the midst of one of those "who am I now" phases.  I married at 23, moving right from my parents home to my husbands, and had my first baby a little less than 2 years later.  For years I worked full-time and spent the rest of my time with my husband and child (and later second child as well).  My work was just work, not a "career". My identity to me was who I was with my family.  Fast forward 14 years to when my husband passed away suddenly when my youngest was 4 years old.  Life was completely different.  I had support from my family, but realized I had immersed myself so much in my life with my husband and children that I really had no friends.

When my daughter started kindergarten, I came into the orbit of a group of great women in the other mothers at the school.  I now count a handful of really good friends that I can count on when I need them and a larger group of friends that I enjoy spending time with.  These people came into my life when I really needed a social circle and improved my life immensely.  But it's been five years since my husband passed away now.  The kids are older. My oldest will be going away to college next year and it will be just me and my daughter at home. I'm in the process of building a freelance career. I'm trying to simplify my life.  I'd love it if there was someone who was in the same place I am now.

I'm looking forward to reading more from you. Thanks!