In February Damien and I went away for the weekend. It was just one night at our friend's cabin in Maine. It was glorious.
The following week I started writing about the experience - the skiing, the place, and our return home back to the city. As I started writing I dug a little deeper below the surface of my feelings and experience, to explore some ideas that have been popping up in my life: the fundamental tension of being human and my need for security and the irony of finding security and then setting out on new adventures which disrupts my security.
There was no way to squeeze that all into one post, so what started as "my weekend ski trip to Maine" grew into this series of posts.
The series starts with a story of family life and friendship, skiing and mountains. And then it moves deeper into some of my core struggles with being human in the context of my particular family, my particular marriage. The human condition is universal but it's expressed, indeed it's lived, in the particulars. And then it gets a little philosophical as I explore what drives and satisfies human need.
May 7, 2018
We don't like the tension, the not-enoughness, the deficiencies, the complexity, the infinite edge of uncertainty, etc. but those are the very catalysts for moving us towards the thing we seek, even if it's never fully realized.
May 3, 2018
My well-being does not live in a Maine cabin we visit on the weekends. It does not live in our bank account. It doesn't live on a boat in Berkeley. Or reside in that laundromat in Albany. It is not dependent on a future life with less city driving.
April 30, 2018
When I feel secure I want to go places. I open myself to adventure. But adventures lead to unknown territory, a certain amount of "leaping out in faith", moving past what you can plan, and all of that feels threatening to my security and stability.
April 24, 2018
I need to own this part of my story and myself. I feel my best self, my confident self, my most at-ease self with security in general and financial stability, in particular.
April 11, 2018
For years I tried to organize, manage, erect boundaries, make the best choice, follow the right authority as a means to avoid tension. But you can't avoid the tension of living, you need to hold space for it.
April 5, 2018
The story of a two-day trip to a cabin in Maine, skiing the Maine Huts & Trails system, enjoying our friend's cabin rental.