My Christmas Card for you

December 24, 2012

This is a bit of different post for Christmas Eve day. I wrote it last week but didn't have space during the week to publish it. It's a bit wordy. If you don't have time to read it today save it for later in the week. I still want to publish it today because, like the title says - it's my Christmas card for you.

I plan to publish some photo posts this week if it feels good to do so, i.e.: if I have the time and blog-worthy photos to share.

Have you noticed that kids love snow? Always. Adults love the beauty of the first few flakes, but after that most snow is seen as a big bother. Why? Because it slows us down. It makes us less productive.

Of course most adults, including myself, don't see all the opportunity for fun that the snow offers. This is one thing I appreciate about Damien so much. His enthusiasm for winter sport helps this Canadian girl bloom where she's planted.

Snow and its unpredictable nature complicates our attempts at perfectly orchestrating our lives and our schedules.

And when we live in a society where people are always on the go - buying, consuming, rushing - this complication means, gasp, decreased productivity. Productivity is a god in our society.

But productivity is not our god. And this is one of the reasons we are working so hard to build our livelihood at home. Because more than productivity, more than financial security even (that's a hard one for me to write), we value freedom.

Freedom to be who we want to be and to live our family life according to our values, not someone else's.

And that is what I have loved so much about this month of December. While there is much crazy making "out there" we are free to choose our own path. And it has been beautiful. (Events in the world-at-large have not been so beautiful and for that I have mourned also.)

We love the freedom to ski when the snow is newly fallen. To take a nap in the middle of the day when we're worn down and tired. To educate our children for their mission instead of the standardized test.

Our daily tasks, and there are many, are dictated by the season and our body's needs.

Where we live the natural world is calling us to slow down. It even shows us how to do it. Blankets of snow, longer nights, the quiet of the winter woods. It speaks rest.

And what are the messages of our consumer culture during this holiday (Holy Days) month? Buy, shop, rush, go places.

I get the spirit of holiday cheer. I understand the need to gather with friends and family to keep vigil during darkening days. I understand community festivities and enjoy them. Our spirits need that, like our bodies need the rest of winter.

What I don't understand is why people are so perplexed by their recurring illnesses, constant emotional fatigue and overall blech they feel during this time of year when they continue to ignore nature's signals. (Their attempts to meet those emotional and spiritual needs with refined sugar don't help matters.)

These feelings are the natural consequence of always fighting nature. The nature without and the nature within.

I realize that most people cannot simply extricate themselves from society (nor do they want to). But if your values are different from the culture at large or even your extended family and community, you will exhaust yourself - physically, spiritually, emotionally - forever trying to fill a mold that doesn't fit.

The misalignment of your core values with your actions can be defined as incongruence. Where your reality is not in harmony with your inner compass.

I think that the North American holiday season (I can't speak for other cultures), falling as it does during nature's rest cycle, accentuates this incongruence even more.

And it's not like we can't party during rest times. We are spending this week with family and friends. We're feasting a bit, eating lots of farm veggies, and of course skiing. This feels good. This feels right during the darkest days of the year.

What doesn't feel good is when there's no rest. When it's non-stop go. When you're expected to give gifts. When there is way too much sugar and not enough nutrition week upon week.

What doesn't feel good is ignoring nature and ignoring your body.

We will not treat our bodies as machines expecting continual output at a steady rate all year. We will not ignore our bodies need for rest in fighting winter infections and disease (so far so good). We will not medicate our emotional and spiritual needs with sugar (a morning cup of coffee - that's another matter entirely!)

We will not give in to society's pressure to buy love, buy sex, buy affection, buy celebration, buy memories, buy education, buy security, buy Christmas.

Drawing your own line in the sand (or snow as it may be) surrounding Christmas and your life may be hard, in fact it may be the hardest thing you ever do. But if the life you're living is not who you want to be - you can change that.

I repeat, it may be the hardest thing you ever do - changing your diet, changing your work, changing your family life, changing your expectations.

You will wonder if you are depriving your children, you may be misunderstood by family and friends, you will have to sacrifice something, and you will question if you're living it right. All of this to grab hold of the life you want.

I'm not saying you have to re-work your whole life to live in congruence - where your actual living reflects your core values. You may, but the first steps are easier than that. It starts with saying no to some things, saying yes to others. Boundaries and freedom.

I'm not going to prescribe a course of action for your life or your holiday season because honestly, if I read one more post on how to simplify Christmas, see one more recommendation for Amazon Prime, read anything along the lines of "five steps for staying healthy during the holidays", or another "something to wear, something to read, something they want" gift formula I may just hurl my vegan, sugar-free nog. (Fabulous nog recipe by the way.)

Although I'm loathe to recommend a formula, I will say this - nature teaches us something and we are natural beings. We'd do better to tune into that instead of the news reports, internet chatter and glossy magazine spreads.

You've seen this before. I got it at Allume in my goodie bag from Be Small Studios and it may just be Divine how perfectly this piece of art expresses my message for the year of 2012. A message I didn't know was mine to share until I really started living it.

And as we bring this year to a close this is the message I want to leave you with. My holiday card that is suitable whatever you happen to celebrate and believe.

Be free my friend. Free to live and love according to the purposes you were created for. You, a super-natural being.

Merry Christmas.

Filed Under

« It's All About the Snow
Christmas in Brienne's iPad »
  • shelli : mamaofletters

    shelli : mamaofletters on Dec. 24, 2012, 2:13 p.m.

    Well said, Renee! We don't live our lives quite like you do, but luckily I don't feel much hustle and bustle in my life. Maybe it's coincidence. Maybe I've created it that way. Probably a little of both. But it feels good. I like to relax with my boys at Christmas!

    reply
  • Jess

    Jess on Dec. 24, 2012, 5:09 p.m.

    Sobering and much needed! We arrived home late last night from a weekend celebrating with family. We were physically, emotionally, and spiritually drained. My husband and I spent nearly all of the 2 1/2 hour drive home discussing why we put ourselves and our children through this each year. By the end they had eaten things that they wouldn't normally eat (we are gluten free, among other things at home), they stayed up way too late and were woken up way too early, did not eat at regular times, the setting was mostly about gifts and rules and the emotional tension was more than any healthy adult should be able to handle. In one word it was toxic. Not how I'd like to honor our savior this time of year. We are definitely rethinking how we will go about the holidays next year.

    Thank you for your words and time; sharing bits of your heart and life with us on a regular basis. Merry Christmas!

    reply
    • renee

      renee on Dec. 26, 2012, 3:52 p.m.

      Jess, I think you raise some really good points here. I know Damien and I have struggled in the past with finding our holiday groove. A couple years ago I wrote a post along those lines. Staying put where we live has helped but even so, that only works because my parents come to visit. It just wouldn't be Christmas for me without family to celebrate with. And so we make compromises, though they don't feel like they compromises so much as a relaxing of the usual "rules" we live by - in terms of diet, etc. But it makes a huge difference that my parents value our simplicity desires (in terms of xmas gifts), share a similar expression of faith, and share similar health values. So having family that by and large shares our values is a huge blessing for me. But we kind of grew in this direction. Emotional tension sucks.  Kids don't always pick up on it but it drains their parents and then makes everyone tense. I'm so sorry you had that experience. I think it's a great time of year to re-think how you want Christmas to unfold next year.  I did that after I wrote that post I linked to above. Journaled what mattered to us and how we could achieve that in our holidays.  Happy Boxing Day Jess and wishing you a blessed New Year!

      reply
  • Heather Caliri

    Heather Caliri on Dec. 24, 2012, 9:11 p.m.

    It's so hard to set expectations and intentions around holidays when my eyes are on what everyone is thinking about me. May my eyes be on Jesus, instead of on pleasing people.

    reply
    • renee

      renee on Dec. 26, 2012, 3:36 p.m.

      Heather, letting go of what people think of me has been one of my lifelong struggles it seems! Still working really hard at it - to let go that is. 

      reply
  • Bethany

    Bethany on Dec. 25, 2012, 2:42 a.m.

    Thank you for this, beautiful card! I have to say it took the last bit of guilt out of my heart for not driving 3 hours each way to spend tomorrow with family. We've recently moved to the country, part of our freedom search, and I need a break from being obligated by anyone or anything. Christmas with just the 4 of us is exactly what we need. Hoping family understands, but more important to do what we need than what they want! Merry Christmas to you and your family!

    reply
  • Catherine Forest

    Catherine Forest on Dec. 25, 2012, 4:40 a.m.

    Thank you, Renee. It really speaks to my heart. I have also grown allergic to the Christmas simplification how-to posts going around the Web in the last couple of years. I can't believe how people are stressed out and worn out about Holidays. I feel so far from that reality. I guess I am really free!

    reply
    • renee

      renee on Dec. 26, 2012, 3:31 p.m.

      Catherine, I know. It's not my reality either - the stress of Christmas preparations. And it bothers me that people think this has to be the norm. I feel sad for them. And I love what you said about being allergic to the Christmas simplification how-to posts. Frankly, I've grown allergic to simplification posts in general, even though I've written a few in the past! I feel like I've done the simplifying and now I want to do the adventurous living (even though it scares me) that comes out of that. Merry Christmas Joyeux Noël and Feliz Navidad - you are much closer to Spanish populations that we are here.

      reply
  • Sarah

    Sarah on Dec. 25, 2012, 8:18 p.m.

    Thank you, Renee. I feel as if this addressed just to me, where I reside on Liberty Street in San Francisco. Perhaps I found it in our Christmas card box or it came in the mail yesterday. This is the reminder I need every day: to live as feels right for me. Sometimes the fact that I live on "Liberty" street and have listened to songs with lyrics such as "free to be you and me" throughout my life is a tad ironic. I have a lovely and incredibly happy life, but I do not feel free. I have a lot to learn on the path that has been set before me, and, though I am sure other "free-er" paths would teach me a lot, I think for the time being I will stick to this path (by going to a traditional University, taking standardized tests, getting the A grades my family expects...). Much of the reason for that is because I want to be trained in a specific field (I believe I want to be a psychologist/therapist or a teacher) and am very passionate about that pursuit. It is hard to escape from the striving, and from the productivity mindset. A few months ago, I said to my dad on a overnight backpacking trip: "sometimes I just have to be ruthless about having fun." Someday, I'll have to be ruthless about living the life I want, and being free. I think for now, I have to practice the yogic idea of ease in what is difficult. While striving, and putting in tremendous effort, I need to balance--to feel the ease in the pose, the joy in the effort, my inherent curiosity and desire to push myself. Perhaps that sounds like I am faking it or cheating myself.... perhaps I am. Living free will be my practice for years to come. As you've said, it may be the hardest thing I ever do.

    reply
    • Sarah

      Sarah on Dec. 25, 2012, 8:19 p.m.

      ...And Merry Christmas to you and your family!

      reply
    • renee

      renee on Dec. 26, 2012, 3:25 p.m.

      You know Sarah, choosing a path of study, of standardized testing, achieving A grades, etc is not anti-thesis to "being free". You are free to choose that path. The path itself may be constaining, all paths are, but that choice is yours. In many ways, my life is constraining - but I choose those constraints. Motherhood is both a huge constraint and blessing. I am constrained nearly all the time by finances and time and other factors - like no good English library services - this is a big constraint in my world. But this "free" path is one we have choosen to meet other goals - mainly the kind of family life we want. And so I just wanted to say there is nothing inherently wrong with any kind of constraining choice, in fact we need to make choices, all the time, that constrain our freedom (think marriage fidelity) in order to live the life we want. Boundaries are what allow for freedom.  So, all the more power to you as you study hard, ace those tests, and go to traditional U (sounds like my life as a young women - smile). 

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      • Sarah

        Sarah on Dec. 28, 2012, 5:53 a.m.

        My, Renee. Thank you again for this truth and your wisdom. It is true that I am free to choose my path... and I am finding that often need that affirmation (increasingly now that I am making more choices about my future), so thank you. Perhaps my practice should be intentionality and perspective and thoughtfulness.

        reply
  • Ashley

    Ashley on Dec. 26, 2012, 1:46 a.m.

    That was beautiful, Renee! It was exactly what I needed today :) I'm a new reader of your blog and have fallen in love with it! Thank you for your inspiring and encouraging words. My family and I have been in the process of making/planning some big changes, and your blog has been so helpful to us. We have been heading towards whole food eating (mostly vegan), trying to decide if we should homeschool and spending more time outside! Also finally getting back to my creative roots. We are finally starting to follow our souls callings and our family dreams. Thank you for sharing your gift of writing, creativity and life with us.

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    • renee

      renee on Dec. 26, 2012, 3:26 p.m.

      Ashley welcome to FIMBY and Happy Boxing Day (I'm commenting on the day after Christmas which is Boxing Day in Canada). I'm thrilled your family is moving forward in your goals and I'm happy to be of any encouragement I can. xo, Renee

      reply
  • Ruth

    Ruth on Dec. 26, 2012, 5:47 p.m.

    Thanks for the read, Renee...... this Christmas has probably been the simplest/quietest on record for us.... in part because only 1 son & family was in the area, but my shopping/baking/preparation was way down and it's felt good. In the planning we didn't know Uncle Eldon would be under the weather, but it hasn't bothered me to slow down with him..... enjoy your Christmas week, make lots of great memories and enjoy your snow!!!! We have lots here also, accompanied by -20 or so temps..... it does encourage reading, puzzle-setting, etc...... warm hugs across the miles.

    reply
  • Jess

    Jess on Dec. 27, 2012, 11:49 a.m.

    So perfectly penned, beautifully thought through and simply shared. Thank you.

    reply
    • renee

      renee on Dec. 27, 2012, 1:44 p.m.

      Jess, I'm glad you think so. I've doubted publishing this post every day since posting it. It feels too preachy for me and it makes me accountable to live this way and offer the same to my children. Yikes.

      reply
  • Alexandria

    Alexandria on Dec. 27, 2012, 5:29 p.m.

    Renee, Thank You so much for these wise words. Life is really calling to me right now and inviting me in a big way. It's inviting me to be quiet and listen. To see. To bring my gifts to the world. I am learning the hard way to listen to my body. I am learning to allow and embrace the moment. The winter is such a gift of deepening that I am trying to soak up and receive. Thank you for all your encouraging post about change. If I let the change come instead of fighting it, life is a lot more enjoyable. I hope we can all learn the lessons that winter has to teach us, as they are many.

    reply
  • Wanda

    Wanda on Jan. 1, 2013, 7:12 p.m.

    I know I'm late to comment here, it's already Jan. 1...but I finally had time to read your posts. I always love what you say and this one especially. Your reply to a reader about freedom coming with acceptance of constraints - that we choose - really resonates with me. Thanks Renee, Happy 2013. (I'd love to invite you to come ski in the Okanagan mountains.)

    reply

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