Thirteen, for the third time

November 25, 2015

It's official. We're finally here. A household of three teenagers.

Celine was 3 1/2 years old when baby Brienne was born, Laurent was 21 months. Without accounting for Laurent's colicky infant-hood, it's tempting to think that it was Celine's easy-going nature that instigated such an audacious plan. Not so many North American families have babies in such quick succession: boom, boom, boom. As many parents know however, family planning isn't always decided in our heads but in our hearts.

Three kids born to the Damien and Renee Tougas family in three and half years. I love telling that story, because yes, I am supermom, or super-something.

Brienne's birthday is today but she seemed to hit the teens early. I felt teenager-hood hovering over our home since last winter. Maybe it's the last child phenomena, playing catch-up with her older siblings. Or maybe it's just Brienne's unique combination of interests and personality. Either way, she's now a card carrying member of the teens.

We will be raising teenagers, in our house we also call them young adults, for eight years. We've been at it for three and we've had an easy go of it so far. But with all kids at official teenaged status we suspect in the next few years the difficulty factor may increase.

You know how it is. All children need patience, attention, discipline, and direction; most children test us with their will, their personality, their drive; some more than others.

I am relieved and excited to be at this point in our parenting journey. I love epic-ness in family life. I am drawn to families that go big or go home. Some families do this by having a ton of kids (before a colicky number two I thought we might go that route). Some families do this by having grand adventures. Some families do this by singing four-part harmony in musical productions.

Having a household of teenagers feels epic to me. For us, it's a milestone in our family story. And here we are.

Brienne is drawn to epic also, in different ways. Large parties, a busy social schedule, a closet full of clothes, more is better, is Brienne's life philosophy.

We like to celebrate crossing the threshold from childhood to teenager status with a significant celebration.

We started the tradition with Celine and continued with Laurent. It wasn't something I planned out in advance. At the time of Celine's 13th birthday we were in the middle of moving (as we were for her 12th and her 16th, yeesh, poor kid). And I wanted to honor her, in a special way that didn't require hosting something at home, everything was in boxes. So we took a little trip, met up with Nana (my mom), and stayed in a bed & breakfast for two nights. It was special and a good fit for Celine.

Laurent's 13th was also a time of family transition, in that hairy-scary countdown to our thru-hike departure. Another trip was a good way to celebrate.

For Brienne we proposed the trip idea. But for the first time ever in our family history, friends feature significantly into Brienne's life. She has a dozen of them. Sweet girls, varying in ages from eleven to fourteen, from all over the city.

In addition, Brienne's idea of fun is to go shopping, to find and plan coordinating outfits. To wear make-up and style her hair. After years in the woods, we live in Montreal; short of New York City (out of the question since I haven't yet renewed my expired passport) why would we leave the fashion capital of Canada to celebrate anywhere else??

We stayed.

First we hosted a special 13th birthday party on the weekend. Friends and fancy foods. Presents and punch. Themed invitations, decor and party favors. Making lip gloss in the kitchen, playing capture the flag in Molson Park.

And today we plan to hit St. Denis, Sainte Catherine, and Value Village. Brienne is a good money manager. Purchases don't have to be new, they just have to the right style.

There's a list, a small clutch of birthday gift cards, and grandparent funds earmarked Converse sneakers. She's the youngest of the three, but it's almost like she's the most teenager of all my kids, fresh out of the gate.

I adore her. (Her siblings know I adore them too. Don't worry.) I admire her spunk and her spirit.

She vexes me also, because other than fashion, make-up, her physical competitiveness, and non-minimalist tendencies aside (ok, so that's a lot), we're peas in a pod. And sometimes all that rubbing against each other makes us agitated little peas. And it is this knowledge that afears me a bit going into this next stage of parenting.

With Brienne's birth I was apprehensive about how I'd parent three with two hands. But I found my groove. I trust/hope parenting three teens will be the same.

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