October 8, 2004
I've been undergoing a little bit of a transformation lately. I am a very goal orientated person. I like to have my list and get great satisfaction by crossing off my "to-do's". The product I create is generally more important to me than the process of doing it. This mentality has caused me frustration and tension in raising my children. I want to do so many things - have a clean house, cook great meals, create beautiful scrapbooks, have a lovely garden etc, etc. But really more than any of these "things" I want to have loving relationships with people. I want to be someone who encourages other people toward Godly, positive changes in their lives - helping them reach their potential and becoming who God has created them to be. I want this more than anything for 4 wonderful people in my life - Damien, Celine, Laurent-Auguste, and Brienne. My relationship with my family is more important than the pursuit of the perfect house. My relationships within my church and community are more important than the pursuit fo the perfect house.
Does this mean that I let my house get into total disarray - no! I could never go that far nor do I think that is right. What it does mean is that the process of cooking supper, folding laundry, cleaning the bathroom and picking up toys TOGETHER WITH my children is more imporant than a gourmet meal, perfectly folded towels, a spotless toilet and a toy free floor. Building relationship with my children, being together with them and developing their characters is more important than perfection. Ah, do you know how freeing that is for me to say? My prayer is that as our family grows in togetherness and relationship that we will reach out to our community to share God's goodness and grace that is in our lives. A shared meal of soup with friends gathered at our table is the goal. A house that is never tidy enough to invite friends is not the goal.
These are areas that I am growing in and I'm certainly a long way from arriving. But I guess you could say I'm starting to let loose and let go.
New goal: No longer accept my behavior, attitudes and habits as "just who I am" but to focus on becoming "who God made me to be"
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