Messy Weekends ~ Gift Yourself the Freedom

I always, always clean the entire house on Fridays. Everything is in its place and then we can enjoy the weekend. Unlike you, I can't read a book in a messy room and I would never leave the dishes undone, even if guests leave at midnight, my husband and I will wash, dry and put away the dishes. I don't think that I have a control issue in this regard, I feel like I am setting the foundation for my children to clean up after themselves. I have three adult daughters and one still at home. Two of the three adults have very clean houses and one does not so I guess when they have their own place they can have it clean or not but in my house... now that is a different story.

It is interesting to read that we all struggle/value/feel the need to change different things. You have taught me how important it is to get outdoors as a family on a regular basis and I love that. Thank you.

The art of letting go. So true. Good words. I'm excited to find out what your next adventure is!

This is good, Renee.

Five years into this mothering thing and I have noticed lately how much mothering has stretched me in this area. Letting go to let them make choices in optional choice categories. And as a result, seeing them grow in wonderful ways. I am much less tightly wound than I was six years ago. At least in some areas. :)

By tidy still matters to me a lot. And I identify with "They love a blank slate with which to create". The girls already realize that a tidy space gives them freedom to be creative and I see them tidying before they get going on a project. Not perfectly, but it means a lot to me that the principle is emerging and I view it as a character development that will serve them well as adults.

Oh how I need to let go. I see the benefits, I know it would be better for my family, but it is so, so hard to do. Thank you for reminding me of its importance. Still working on it.

Just this weekend I decided to let the weekend chores go, and I was able to enjoy the time with my kids much more. I did do some laundry for the week, but only put it away last night. The floors can be cleaned later, and really, the two year old decided after dinner that he wanted to sit in the toy basket and emptied all of the toys, so, sometimes, it is easier to just let the cleaning go and enjoy the shared space. I hear you. (I'd like it clean all of the time too!)

Oh my goodness. I have come SUCH a long way in this regard (letting go of control in schooling, relationships, the house, etc.) but there are moments that I am sooo done with 'creative messes' and lose my cool. Yup, I am only one of five people and the one who cares the most about order and I do want to respect the other individuals in this home. However, there still must be some boundaries. And let me tell you, my middle daughter knows how to stretch'em to the breaking point:)

Now, I'm intrigued! I wonder if you're doing a long term hiking trip?! Anyway, I've always been a messy person. I want so much to be organized and neat but I can't seem to figure it out. One thing I've been working on is purging my house. I can't stand messes and it makes me crazy so, I try and keep up the best I can. :)

"A large-scale adventure next year"

Tell me more! You and your family are so inspiring to me. Can't wait to read about your big plans!

Oooh, Renee!! I'm so excited for you! I've vowed to take my family on a thru-hike when I turn 50 (ahem, only three years away). My boys will be 7,8 and 10 by then, so I think we should be able to make a decent stab at it. I hiked many years ago with two different big homeschooling families on the AT. It was actually what led me to decide that homeschooling was the way to go! I really enjoyed those kids on the trail, and the relationship they had with their parents was amazing.

My biggest problem on the trail was the dirty, funky stankiness of it all. There were days when all could dream about was a nice (clean) pair of !00% cotton pajamas. No synthetics, nothing that "wicked". I never knew my backpack could smell THAT bad, even after I washed it. And I must admit that I cried one day when I realized just how hairy my legs had gotten.

The flip side of course is learning that the world is crammed full with people that are good and kind hearted. Learning that your body is designed for and can do awesome things. And figuring out how much garbage you don't need to have in your life (you've got that one down!).

I eagerly await your adventure.

Oh, Renee... Yes, yes and yes. Again. Leaving and being on the road for a year in a camping trailer with 3 little girls for a year has been the best lesson for me in letting go (and I too am still a work in progress). Just like you, I had a hard time leaving home without cleaning the kitchen... Wow! I have come a long way this year! Our trailer is small and messy. I never taught I could live in a messy place. But it's my need to have it all tidy and neat (and sometimes I ask for help to make it all nice and clean and the girls are happy to see everything in its place). The more I let go, the more the girls clean their space when they feel the need. Letting go brings more joy for me... And now, we are camping on the beach and in sandy places. There is sand everywhere... Let's see how much I can let go....!

Thank you Renee!! I think you just put into words feelings that many Mamas feel about tidy, cleaning and control. I grew up with a Mom that had some pretty strict standards for cleaning. Even now, you could eat from her floors! However, I hear from her all time how much she'd love to have more time with her grandchildren, more time to spend outside etc. I tell her, "Put down your blanking mop and do it!" It has taken me years to relax my standards and realize, it doesn't matter in the big scheme of things! My house is clean most of the time, it gets cluttered and dirty now and then. I have more time to play outside with my kids, hike, garden, get my hands dirty and generally enjoy more. I wouldn't trade that for sparkling floors any day!

I always tell my Mom...when you are old and unable to do the things you used to do, what are you going to regret more? Not having the cleanest house or not having more time with your family and friends?

Woah! A thru-hike?!! That's awesome! It's one of my dreams... Are you planning on doing the Appalachian Trail? (Just a guess...)

I am hoping to take a gap year, and while I have a lot more I want to do in addition to hiking (and I am planning on spending 2 months of the summer at my camp, which cuts out a lot of hike-able time...) I do hope to hike the John Muir trail... maybe even solo some sections (should take under a month). The longest I've been in the "wilderness" was 2 weeks last summer... and I smelled even though I swam almost every day (we were canoeing)... it was really. really. difficult. (Carrying canoes is pretty painful... living with 4 other 16 year old girls and negotiating everything is also very difficult.) But it was also the most amazing experience of my life and I made some of my best friends. There is nothing like the outdoors (and perhaps physical challenge) to strengthen relationships. I am so excited (and a tad jealous) for you!!!

Just what I needed to hear today as we prepare to go away again for the weekend and I feel the urge to tidy and clean before I go.

There are a lot of changes that happen when we got our own family and small kids. Some habits are changed even when we don't like it. Glad you still stay positive with those changes.

This is such a good thing to keep in mind. I so see that my desire to have everything perfect is an imposition on my family sometimes. I try to balance that "clean slate to create" impulse with the freedom to see mess as evidence of creativity at work. We need both--I need both--even if I just like the first.

It is easier to let go when you have fewer toys for the kids to strew about. A place for every toy to "live" helps, and we rotate toys in and out of the attic, which helps immensely. I agree with what you said about allowing for mess as your kids grow - choosing your battles and allowing for others to help dictate what the standards will be, as long as you can live with the common denominator and still feel happy and loved. I have four boys, ages 6, 8, 16 and 18 and they all can pitch in and help clean the common areas. And everyone has something they are "in charge" of, such as cleaning the bathroom or emptying the dishwasher every morning. The daily or weekly chore rotates between those old enough to do them. Every night we clean the kitchen together until the job is done, taking turns picking the music to listen to as it is completed. And I do not clean bedrooms (but will HELP if asked). Simplicity Parenting is a book that has helped me in this area and I recommend it to all.

Interesting post. This clean/tidy topic is so relative to individual standards. You know my style - saying that, I am feeling somewhat liberated in my current "slacking off" with what I thought had to be done. Like having the dishes done after one meal before starting on the next one, or leaving the house with dishes on the cupboard. I think living by myself those months after we moved east, when your Dad was still finishing up business, I was on my own and didn't have to clean up for anybody else. Watching your move to "freedom" in this area - and also your brother and family - has been a good example to me to cut myself some slack. The control thing was a sense of maintaining my standard - which I have been happily adjusting. Also, I have to admit the fact I don't have my family close by to "drop in and see that I've lowered my bar" has contributed to not getting uptight about dishes left around - although I like to have the kitchen somewhat in order by the time I go to bed. I think your Dad appreciates that too...